and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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