Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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