dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
