he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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