I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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