Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
