"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
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I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
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I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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