There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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