i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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