I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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