He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
this boner is exhausting
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
