corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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