Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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