So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
