please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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