just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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