In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
