I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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