Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
