either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize