I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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