she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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