I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
