totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
