I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
