Who wears a wallet chain?!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
