Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
