i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
