I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
