She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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