just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
