Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
