i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
