I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
