Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
