Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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