so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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