Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
