As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
