she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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