never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
