just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
