Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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