If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
