I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
