I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
