Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
