I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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