Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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