The maid of honor just puked.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
