Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
