Is it normal to miss your booty call?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
