Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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