i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
