Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
