Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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