This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
