I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
