It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
