the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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