tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
