she looked like the before picture.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
