he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
