3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize