...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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