How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
