and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
