While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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