if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
