i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
