she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
