So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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