This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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