You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Randomize
