He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
