I want to stick my p in your. b.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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