I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
