he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
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Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
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Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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