Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
