not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
