You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
