It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
