You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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