chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
