He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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