Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
