i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
